


The Empire's Conquest of Flavortown

by itsfine



Category: Diners Drive-ins and Dives, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Crack, Crack Crossover, Face off, Gen, Guy Fieri - Freeform - Freeform, Jedi, Kylo Ren - Freeform, dumb, no ao3 i was not trying to write dumbledore, non sexual queso usage, thanks for giving me credit though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 06:57:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16676791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsfine/pseuds/itsfine
Summary: It's dumb but it's short -- Kylo Ren faces off against his most flavorlicious foe yet.





	The Empire's Conquest of Flavortown

Kylo surveyed the wreckage before him. Burned buildings and the remnants of human suffering. “There is nothing left for us here.” He snarled. “Pack everything up, and we move to the next target.” 

From out of the swirling smoke, a silhouette emerged. Frosted tips. Mirrored wraparound sunglasses. Shirt covered with flames. 

“Not so fast, kid.” said Guy Fieri. 

“Who are you?” Kylo snarled, as his lightsaber hissed to life in his hand. 

“Easy there brother. I’m not looking for trouble. No need to get your big spicy knife out.”

“This is a Jedi Lightsaber, one of the most feared weapons in the known galaxy.” 

“And a mighty awesome knife it is there broheim. I’m over here struggling to cut through this block of pepper jack, meanwhile looks like you could turn it straight to queso. Mind giving me a hand?”

Guy tossed a block of cheese to the young Sith Lord. Kylo raises his hand and the cheese freezes in midair. 

“Whoa! That’s awesome!”

Kylo closes his fist, and the cheese smushes. “If you seek for me to spare your life, you will have to pay with more than just cheese!”

“See that’s where you’re mistaken kiddo. That wasn’t a gift. That was my first attack.” A smile twisted the corners of this mouth. 

Kylo jumped back, but it was too late. The block of cheese exploded in a blinding flash of light. As Kylo shielded his eyes from the blast, Fieri made his move. 

This wasn’t his first time fighting a Sith Lord. Long ago, one had come to his home planet to try and recruit him to their religion. They had clearly recognized his power. What they hadn’t recognized was his conviction. Or the material the Fieri tribes constructed their dwelling from. An aged cheese treated with a special mix of herbs to make it strong and durable. But the young Guy’s abilities still could still control it. 

He focused the flow of his power into a raging whirlpool of anger, and the walls dissolved around him. 

That was the last anyone had heard from the Sith Lord recruiters. But it had it had cost the lives of many of his kind as well. The memory of their screams and the smell of delicious queso still haunted him to this day.


End file.
